I am Worried … Again

Things are not going the way I want them to.
Not like they ever do!
But for some reason I always manage to be shocked
Although someway things somehow get right
Not the way I expect them to but they turn to be OK! At times even great
That doesn’t stop me from worrying that they are not going to be OK this time
But if I thought about it, I have always had that concern
Funny, I think I will forever do!

I Am 25

It is funny how we develop our tolerance for bitterness throughout the years

When I was a kid, I would never put something bitter in my mouth
My tea had to be extra sweet, and I used to have it with my dessert !
And I couldn’t understand how people were willing to drink coffee
Without milk or sugar !
Why ? Why would any one choose not to enjoy life
This is what I thought about people who had their tea without sugar
And now I drink my coffee milk less and with a hint of sweetness
Green tea without sugar
And Arabic coffee without eating dates
I am more tolerant to bitterness nowadays
And I don’t know if that means that I am not enjoying life
Or that I just learned how to live the “real” way
Enjoying my coffee even when it is not that sweet…

 

Regret

Regret 
How much do people fear you?
And do so much to avoid you!
Yet no matter what the choices are
And no matter what we choose
We will always find it in us
To regret
If we want to!
But what is funny to me
Is how some people want you and pushes you
To regret what you don’t
They simply don’t approve of what you picked
Therefore they wait so patiently for you
To regret it
And when you don’t
They make you!
Because to them this is their satisfying ending
They are not being wicked by doing so
To them
This is how things are meant to be
And who are you to disturb what is true to them
It is like
When people expect it to rain
And they carry their umbrellas with them
And you for some reason refuses to carry one
They would like to see you suffer the consequences of your behavior
And if you are still smiling and not minding the rain
Then they will not question the possibility of
Thinking differently towards matters in life
But what they will question is your
Sanity!

What am I to do !

I want to do more, accomplish more
Do better push my self to be better
But I am also a lazy person
Who loves the beds’ comfort
And how cotton Pjs feel
So I find my self resisting something
All the time
I want to study but I feel sleepy
I go to sleep and I feel guilty
There are people who are hyper and want to accomplish something
It is clear for them even for the lazy people who don’t want to move
I am not saying it is easy I know but at least it is clear for them
Since the hyper person will go through a lot to reach the goal and
The lazy person will go through a lot to avoid doing any thing
But I go through them both!
And both sides are too strong
I am afraid one day they will both
Tare me up !

 

I want to master something … let me

What I am doing is consuming me in everyway
And I don’t know if I can go on living this way
I am losing all the threads
And I am … overwhelmed
It is too much but nothing really
It is like a thousand ball falling at me
At the same time
And unfortunately they are expecting me
Not to just hold them
But to juggle them!
So I always end up disappointed in me
And hating them
I would rather “DO something “
Than “fail at doing everything”
What is so wrong with doing something and doing it perfectly?
What is wrong with being a human
?

Me…You

My thoughts… My voice
That is Me
That is what defines Me
Don’t ask Me to be Me only when you think it is convenience
I am Me all the time
It Might be hard for you to understand
But believe Me that is exactly what You do
You are You … always 
So why can’t I be Me
!
You Might not like every thing in Me
It is ok … You don’t have to
Because even “I” don’t like every thing in Me
But please
Stop making Me feel bad
Please
!
Because You are someone who I can’t replace with someone else
You are someone who I don’t want to replace with someone else
You can
Try to overlook things, accept a few
And in the end You can still not like some
You can even tell me about them
And I will try
To make you happy
I don’t know how or if I am capable of doing so
But I will try
Because I Love You
Even if You don’t think I do

I love Her

I would like to give her the world
To make every thing easy for her
To repay just a little of what she gives
When she is sad
I feel heavy … terribly heavy
I love her even if we don’t agree on every thing
I love her and I don’t think we have to agree on every thing
I need her just to be there for me
But sometimes I think
She really needs a break
If only I could give her one!
MOM I LOVE YOU

What a Mess !

How messy are my feelings
How messy am I?
I want it, and when I get it
I question my right to have it
Am I really that sad!

Dwelling In my own self
I ask the question
And I give the answer
And I, willingly play the game
Endlessly
Until my end
I will play because
This is who I am
I will always question my self
Needlessly
Find faults in my self
While loving me
I will find them, highlight them
Make the world my witness
To get stronger I will drop my self
Thinking that this is the only way
To stand tall !
I fairly admit that I don’t deserve what I have
But again who does ?

New

New is what I am in
Better is where I hope I will be
Complicated are my feelings
 And Sleeping is my theme
New is every thing
Yet I can honestly say
I have been here before
And I am scared
That every thing I hate
Is going to happen again
I really want to break this old disappointing record
I want a new one
A better one
A sweet lovely happy one
A really

Really
New one

 

Share

Feeling something that you didn’t go through
Can someone do that?
Then why do we cry
When something bad happens to someone in the street
A total stranger
Are we crying for them?
Sort of helping them because it is too much
Too much tears for one person to weep
Or is it because we thought what if that happened to us
Or to someone we love?
Or is it simply because we in a strange way felt their pain
Even if we didn’t go through what they went through
Just like in the airport when we witness
The tears of joy and the smiling eyes of people who missed each other
We smile along
Living their moments with them!
Why
Though sometimes we willingly
Pass our own moments
Without feeling them
Some people call that
Running from oneself
One reality
I don’t see it that way
It is just that I am OR I think that I am
More than just me
Why live only through my eyes
My heart
My mind
My life
It is ok to share
But without
Losing oneself, sight, heart, mind and soul
Through the mess of sharing
And to remember to learn
As much as one can
So we can see, feel, understand And finally live better